MIA again

I did it again.

Another important event and I missed it. My nephew got married Saturday and while the family was enjoying his special day, I was eating Pop-Tarts at my desk. This scene has been replayed countless times in my life.

Now, I can blame the pandemic — in part — this time. But that wouldn’t be completely true. Sure, people being sick and the fear of catching coronavirus factored heavily in the decision this time. In fact, it was the main reason. Unfortunately, there hasn’t been a pandemic all my adult life, so I can’t use that as the excuse for all the other times.

I have missed so many birthdays, anniverseries, holidays, family gatherings and other important events that I have lost track. The last month or so has been especially hard as it seems that work has trumped every important event on the calendar. And sadly, those are days I will never get back. No matter how much I promise to make the next special event, I can’t go back and retrieve all the ones I missed.

Yes, I am part of a profession in which the hours stink, the product must always come out and there often is more work than people to do it. And, yes, I am wired in such a way that I will never say no and always sacrifice myself for the good of the company. Because of this, I am going to miss important events. Bottom line is I just don’t stick up for myself.

When you are person who always seeks to make others happy, the fear of disappointing them often outweighs your own wants and needs. But here is where I have a problem — I am not only putting the benefits of others before my own; I am putting them before my family. And that’s just wrong. Yes, I need to work and provide for my family. But something tells me they might just rather have me around for life’s important moments than have money in the savings account.

I have this burning desire to be a provider. I am consumed by the need to have enough money in the bank to pay all the bills with a little left over for some fun. But when will there be time to enjoy it if I am always doing something to earn it? Will my family really care if there is money in the bank if I’m not there to be part of their special moments? The two sides of the battle constantly war in my soul and truth be told, there is no winner.

Many of us struggle with this age-old dilemma — responsibility vs. fun and enjoyment. But too much of one is not healthy for your soul or your back account. You have to put aside life’s frivolous pleasures in order to be a responsible member of society. But there are also times you need to leave work at the office and have some fun. When your days are over, it will be your family and friends who remember you, not the person who’s shift you covered at work.

So, if you are like me, remember that if you don’t look out for yourself no one else will. Set priorities and boundaries — and keep them! Sure, some people may get a bit upset with you for not working for them, but your family will thank you for it. And you just might thank yourself for being at the events that make life special.